создан: среда, 20. июля 2011 в 00:56.
изменён: пятница, 02. сентября 2016 в 09:35.
Halloween Party Two men were walking home after a
Halloween party and decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery just
for laughs. Right in the middle of the cemetery they were startled by a
tap-tap-tapping noise coming from the misty shadows.
Trembling with fear, they looked around, and found an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one of the headstones.
cow, Mister," one of them said after catching his breath. "You scared
us half to death. We thought you were a ghost... What are you doing
working here so late at night?"
"Those fools!" the old man grumbled, "they misspelled my name!" Other Side A blonde goes out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank.
"Yoohoo" she shouts, "how can I get to the other side?"
The second blonde looks up the river then down the river then shouts back, "You are already on the other side." News Article
Shawn was in his usual place, sitting at the table, reading the
paper during breakfast. He came across an article about a beautiful
actress who was about to marry a football player who was known primarily
for his lack of IQ and common knowledge.
He turned to his wife with a look of bewilderment on his face.
"I'll never understand why the biggest jerks get the most
His wife replies, "Why, thank you, dear!" Marriage Counseling A husband and wife were at a party chatting with some friends when the subject of marriage counseling came up.
we'll never need that. My wife and I have a great relationship," the
husband explained. "She was a communications major in college and I
majored in theater arts. She communicates well and I act like I'm
listening." Chinese Apparently, one in five
people in the world is Chinese. And there are five people in my family,
so it must be that one of us is Chinese.
It's either my mom or my dad, my older brother Colin, me or my youngest brother Chong-Li. I think it's Colin. Princess And Frog
Once upon a time, in a land far away, a beautiful, independent,
self-assured princess happened upon a frog as she sat contemplating
ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a beautiful
meadow near her castle.
The frog hopped into the princess's lap and
said, "Elegant Lady, I was once a handsome prince, until an evil witch
cast a spell upon me. One kiss from you, however, and I will turn back
into the young man that I am. Then, my dear, we can marry and live in
your castle with my mother, where you can bear my children and serve me
for the rest of your life, and feel grateful and happy doing so."
night, as the princess dined on sautéed frog legs in a white wine
sauce, she chuckled to herself and thought, "I don't think so."
After she woke up, a woman told her husband, "I just dreamed that
you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's day. What do you think it
means?" "You'll know tonight," he said.
That evening, the man came
home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened
it... to find a book entitled "The Meaning of Dreams". It's Elementary
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson were on a camping and hiking trip.
They had gone to bed and were lying there looking up at the sky. Holmes
said, "Watson, look up. What do you see?"
"I see thousands of stars," Watson replied. "And what does that mean to you, Holmes?"
replied, "To me, it means someone has stolen our tent!"
Deficiency? Little four-year-old Jenny was looking at her new
baby brother for the first time. He was fast asleep. After staring at
her tiny, motionless baby brother for a few minutes, Jenny looked up at
her mother and asked plaintively, "Didn't he come with batteries?"
Colored? When I born, I black. When I grow up, I
black. When I go in sun, I black. When I cold, I black. When I scared, I
black. When I sick, I black. And when I die, I still black. You white
folks... When you born, you pink. When you grow up, you white. When you
go in sun, you red. When you cold, you blue. When you scared, you
yellow. When you sick, you green. And when you die, you gray. So who you
callin' colored? Fly In The Coffee What happens if a fly falls in a cup of coffee?
Englishman: Throws his cup away and walks away.
American: Takes the insect out and drinks the coffee.
Chinese: Eats the insect and throws the coffee away.
Japanese: Drinks the coffee with the insect since it is a free bonus.
Israeli: Sells the coffee to the American and the insect to the Chinese, and gets himself a new cup of coffee.
Accuses the Israeli of throwing the insect into his coffee, relates the
issue to violence, asks the UN for aid. Takes a loan from EC to buy
another cup of coffee and uses the money for terror. Short Story
A college class was told that each student had to write a short
story in as few words as possible. The short story had to contain the
following three things: religion, sexuality, mystery. There was only one
A+ paper in the entire class - for this story: "Good God, I'm pregnant.
I wonder, who did it?"
Water To Wine
Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding.
The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an
empty wine bottle on the floor of the car.
He says, "Sir, have
you been drinking?" "Just water," says the priest. The trooper says,
"Then why do I smell wine?" The priest looks at the bottle and says,
"Good Lord! He's done it again!"
положительных: 1 | отрицательных: 0
Общий балл: 1 | Просмотров: 15
Спасибо, твой голос пошёл в учёт. С твоей помощью добавилось [user_vote]
баллов, поскольку твоя активность на сайте [user_activity]%
. Чем больше твоя активность, тем больше баллов ты можешь дать. Больше информации об активности можешь увидеть на странице активности »